A friend and I were catching up over lunch one day. And just like any girl talk, we found a way to touch on the subject of our love lives. She asked me about the latest guy in my life and although I was single at the time, I gave her a brief rundown of why me and the last guy tried and failed. She was curious as to what he looked like and asked to see a picture of him. I showed her one of his better photos and with anticipation she grabbed the phone ready to inspect him. She zoomed in and out on what appeared to be his entire being while making this disheveled face the entire time. She asked for another picture and after examining the picture the same way, she looked at me and said “Girl! He’s not even cute enough to be acting like that and treating you bad”. When she said that, I couldn’t help but ask myself this same question over and over: “…but what if he was?” Let’s say he was a tall, chiseled, colored-eye, chocolate god…would that make his behavior okay? Would that make it acceptable to settle for less than I deserve? Sure, we all want someone that’s physically attractive. We all want someone whose looks are soft enough to make the heart melt. But more than that…we all want genuine love. We want respect. We want reciprocity. And most importantly, we want to feel like we’re in a relationship worthwhile. We often forget that beauty is fleeting and in the blink of an eye, it can be here today and gone tomorrow. But what tends to stay is our character, our habits, our values. Those are things we have to zoom in and examine.
Because when the fantasizing fades and when his social media stops impressing your curious friends, you have to stop and ask yourself….What good is a nice body if he never uses it to hold you? What good are his nice lips if he never uses them to compliment you, encourage you, or uplift you when you’re down? What good are those beautiful brown eyes if he’s always looking past you? What good are those strong hands and sturdy legs if never uses them to kneel down and pray for you?
While it’s a nice bonus, you have to remember that his looks are not the prize. Rather, they should just be the bow on top of an invaluable gift. Sure, good looks may SPARK your interest. But a good heart, chivalry, selflessness, mutual respect, adoration, love, and trust…those are the attributes that KEEP your interest. No matter what a man physically appears to be, his heart for you should surpass any satisfaction that his looks could ever give you. He should respect you with the honor and integrity in which he shows himself and those that he loves. He should value you so greatly, that it makes you reconsider the way you value yourself. He should inspire you. He should make you want to be better with everyday that you’re blessed on this Earth.
Because when he does that, whether he looks like Idris Elba or the average Joe….he’ll always be worth a second look.