In college I was head over heels for this guy. He was the first guy I ever dated or kissed in my life. It’s safe to say, I was in love with him. Everything was going okay…or at least I thought. We had our ups and downs but what couple doesn’t? When push came to shove, I thought we would always work things out in the end. Well, when reality set, I guess he thought differently…because one night, he ended everything. The night that it happened I remember being too angry to feel anything. But when I woke up the next morning, I remember feeling numb…and that numbness turned into sadness, hurt, and every emotion I never thought I could feel in regards to him. Later on that week, a wise friend of mine came by my apartment to check on me. The door was left open and I was sitting on my couch in my living room with the lights off, dwelling in my own misery. After she turned on a few lights, she sat next to me and started talking to me. She said that she had been seeing me around campus and I hadn’t been acting like myself and she wanted to know why. In order to talk without crying I spared her the details and decided to just give her a quick , one sentence summary. She knew how invested I was in the situation so it didn’t surprise me when she paused and quietly asked me, “Linda, be honest with me…what is it that you want”? I remember feeling so vulnerable and prideless…and without even thinking twice I said, “I want him back”. She paused again, sighed, and said “The only way for that to happen is for you to become the best thing he never had”.
I heard her that day, but I didn’t take heed to her advice the way that I should have. Instead, I channeled all that advice into him. I would spend so much time coming up with ways to get back at him and make him jealous. I would flirt with other guys, I would wear extra makeup and dress nicer than usual every time I knew he would be around. I would make my social media look as if I was having the time of my life without him. I basically devoted every second I had to try and make him realize what he was missing out on. But in reality, all I was doing was just showing him how much power he truly had over me. And he knew it. And after months and months of doing the same thing I began to feel frustrated that nothing was changing. And while he was out living his life, dating other girls, and spending little to no time thinking about me…I was still sitting on that one couch in my dark living room feeling frustrated, alone, and unable to recognize myself anymore.
It took me a year…a whole year…but I finally got it. My friends advice wasn’t about him, it was about me. By being “the best thing he never had”, I had to focus on being a better Linda. I had to reclaim who I was and channel all the energy I put into him into myself. So that’s what I did. I focused on my relationships with my family and friends and made those connections stronger. I became a better student and refocused my energy my on my career. I started writing again. I started working out. I started dressing up and appreciating beauty for ME again. I found my old,goofy self again and started laughing again. I started smiling again. I started embracing positivity again and started surrounded myself around people that embodied that. I found my blog. I fell in love with God again. I was Linda again…except ten times better. Before, I thought by taking my friend’s advice, it would make him love me again…but instead I got a better result…it made me love ME again. And what I anticipated would be the loneliest year of my life, turned out to be one of the best ones yet.
But see my friend was clever. When she gave me that advice, she failed to tell me something important that happens after becoming “the best thing he never had”. She didn’t tell me that eventually, I wouldn’t want him anymore. She didn’t tell me that I would grow past the idea of him and I. She didn’t tell me that when the opportunity presented itself to go back, that I wouldn’t take it. She knew that I would have to come to that realization on my own . And after spending so much time working on, relearning, and falling in love with myself again…I realized I had become so much better than that relationship. I was so much better than settling for a piece of love when I deserved the whole thing. I was so much better than the back and forth, emotional roller coasters, and not feeling good enough when in reality…I was too good. Maybe that was good enough for the old Linda, but like Beyoncé said… THIS Linda, has found “the good in goodbye”. This Linda wants better. This Linda deserves better. And this Linda won’t settle until God blesses her with the best. ❤️