It was late one night and I had a FaceTime date with a friend of mine. It happened to be a guy that I liked, so of course I was trying hard to maintain a cool face even though I was a little nervous on the inside. The conversation started off pretty chill, as it usually does. We talked about each other’s days, I made jokes about his new hairstyle, and we exchanged little flirtatious gestures. He loved telling stories, which never bothered me because I’ve been known to have a listening ear. I’d never admit this to him, but I actually kinda enjoy his stories. Well, like normal, he was cruising down memory lane telling me detail after detail , when all of a sudden my mood changed. Something he said in his story took me to a different place and I remember my mind moving 100mph with thought after thought. He’s a pretty smart guy, so he detected the change in my mood almost immediately. The tone in my voice changed and all of sudden I was crying. Unfortunately, they weren’t the sparse, thug tears that I could pass off as allergies…no, these were tears that you could see, touch, and feel from a mile away. Leading up to the FaceTime call I had actually been having a terrible week. I was constantly in a bad mood, spazzing out on the people closest to me, and constantly battling tears and a roller coaster of emotions inside of me. Of course being that he didn’t know me that well, I was embarrassed that he was seeing me in this state, but I was too overwhelmed with emotion at the moment to really care. While I was trying to regain control of myself, I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. “I’ve been doing great, and all of sudden I feel terrible”, I thought to myself as I put the phone away from my face to dry my eyes. He was still on the other end of the FaceTime call looking confused yet concerned. After trying to calm me down for a few minutes he paused and said “What happened? We were just laughing a few minutes ago…”
The power of his statement didn’t hit me until I made the correlation the next day. I realized in that statement that that’s exactly how the enemy works. Life will be going great. You’ll be happy, successful, excelling academically, financially stable, and making progress in your relationships. But then all of a sudden, the enemy will come out of nowhere and trigger something in your life. He’ll find a way to invade your mind, and from there he’ll try to invade your spirit. He’ll try to convince you that your problems are bigger than you and that those lies that cloud your thoughts are truths. He’ll try to make you rethink your worth…making you question whether you deserve the good things and people that God has placed in your life. He’ll remind you of situations that you’ve worked so hard to overcome, and try to make you relive the past. And before you know it, you’re so overwhelmed with his lies, that you find yourself breaking down at the most random of times. The enemy hates our happiness, because it only pulls us closer and closer to The Provider who gives it to us. See, the enemy has tried this with me several times before…he’s lured me into his dark path and sometimes it would last a few hours, sometimes a few days, and sometimes, even a few months. But I’ve learned to use two of my most powerful weapons….God and my writing. And I would just talk. I would vent to God, I would be vulnerable with Him, and I would engulf myself in Him. I would plead to God to take away any emotions or thoughts that were not of Him. I prayed for God’s redemption over my spirit. And most importantly I would pray that God would reclaim my mind. The more I gave my worries to Him, the less of them I had. And the more I let him in, the more I felt those tears dry into smiles.
Communicate with God…whenever and however you can. We are all in constant battle with some kind of demon. Whether it be past, present, big or small…there is always something trying to keep our light dim. Keep God next to you so that He can keep your light shining brighter than ever. Let him fight your battles for you. After all, there’s never been a fight he’s lost, and the never will be.
I must admit I was pretty embarrassed when I got off that FaceTime call. I mean who wants to be less than flawless in front of their crush? Lol. But if a few thug tears in front of a guy could help me remember a lesson this great…I would say it was nothing but worth it.