Post #48: “I Miss You”

The other day, I took a long and much needed nap. When I woke up, a text message from an infamous male of my past appeared on my phone. The text read: “I miss you.” Nothing more, nothing less, just those three words. I remember looking at the message as I thought to myself, “What exactly does he miss?” I’d love to believe he missed our good times…our laughs…and all the memories we made over the course of our relationship. I’d love to believe he missed me as a person and was truly remorseful for how things transpired. I’d love to believe that reflection had taken place in his life and that his words were genuine, but I knew they weren’t.
What he missed was a safety net. He missed knowing that he could turn around and love would stare him back in the face, even when he didn’t deserve it. He missed the ability to have someone there when it was convenient. He once again fell into a hole of loneliness and insecurity and he missed someone pulling him out of it like I did time after time. He just missed having someone there. So he sent those three words. And with those three words, he hoped that I would feel the same. He hoped his text message would blind my judgment. He hoped it would help me ignore the toxicity that existed in my life as a result of our relationship. He hoped it would help me ignore all of the bad and once again fall for lie that things would be “different this time”. He wanted his text message to make me see him in the way I did once before. He wanted those three words to make me say “what if”…to make me contemplate…to make me weak for him again. He wanted his message to make me crack the door of my heart open once again. Even though we both know deep down, he would be opening it to eventually leave…like he always did before.
As I reread the message once again, I chuckled to myself. Not because anything was funny, but because I finally got it. For the first time, I saw what the message really said. I began to realize that the message may have said “I miss you”, but what it really meant was that “I SEE you”. I see your successes and the blessings that God is granting on your life. I see you healthy. I see you experiencing life again. I see you becoming strong. I see you reclaiming everything I tried to take from you. I see you flourishing. I see you changing for the better. I see you blossoming into the woman you always had the potential to be. I finally see what I had in you, and I see how foolish I was to let it go. I see that you are done. I see that you are moving on with your life. Most of all… I see you genuinely happy. And I see that all of this is happening without me. I realized his “I miss you”, was nothing more than a test. A test not only to him, but to myself to see if I was really the woman I that I was now proclaiming to be…and I am.
Needless to say, I did not respond to his text. Because as I am learning to appreciate my worth more and more with each day that passes by, I now know that he never did. Because if he truly valued me, there would be no need for him to miss me…because he would’ve never let me go.
So as you continue to live your life, let those of your past continue to miss you. And let them continue to see you transform into the strong, beautiful, happy person that they never saw coming.

—-LifeOnLOC

Post #48

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