Anyone that knows me, knows I love music. After I posted Post #39, I remembered there was a song by Fabulous’ song called “Situationships”. So I went to YouTube to take a listen..you know, to see if it had any correlation to my views on the subject. And as I was listening to it, the wheels in my head started turning. By the end of the song, I came to realization that there’s two kind of situationships that exist. There’s the one that Fabulous is referring to,…which is a common one in our generation. It’s the kind of situationship that’s grounded in sex and a cycle of lies. Although feelings are there, they are birthed out of physical attraction…So once that’s gone, so are the feelings.
Then, there’s the second type of situationship…the kind that you’re in. See, I am not sure if you remember back to Post #9 where I described the kind of woman you are, but if you don’t remember, let me remind you. You a beautiful, intelligent, charismatic and endearing woman. You’re the type of woman that any man would be lucky to take home and make an honest wife out of…and everyone recognizes that, especially him. But like I told you before, he’s not ready. He can’t fathom the idea of being with a woman of your caliber at this point in his life. Being with you would cause him to take a good look at himself mentally, physically, and emotionally…it would cause him to really see himself for who he is and that’s not an image he’s able to comprehend right now. Because that image reminds him of what he lacks. It reminds him of the insecurities and vulnerabilities that lurk deep inside him that he’s able to suppress with other girls. He can’t run from himself like he can with other girls…with you, he has to face it. And without you even saying it, he knows in being with you, he has to measure up. He has to be that man you deserve, and the thought of trying do so at this point in his life scares him. Especially when there’s women willing to settle for who he is right now. So instead of fully committing to you, he’ll commit to her. Why? Because in his mind, being with someone whose for now is much easier than being with someone who could potentially be forever.
But even though he knows he’s not ready for the commitment you’re worthy of, he recognizes that you are a diamond he can’t afford to loose. So he takes the feelings you have for him, and nurtures them just enough to keep you near. That way, you’ll always be ready for that day he decides to step up and choose you. And all the while, you feel stuck. Stuck in wanting to move forward, and stuck in your feelings for him. You’re stuck in seeing his potential, rather than accepting his reality. You’re stuck in between your heart that’s telling you “He would never hurt you”, and your mind that’s reminding you that he always does. Stuck in his sweet apologies, handsome smile, and decorated excuses. You’re stuck in your frustrations of watching him choose other girls over you and your weakness in those moments when you two are alone and nothing else matters but you and him. You’re stuck in between knowing you deserve better, and in staying in this situationship, hoping that one day it will finally blossom into the relationship you deserve.
This has been my reality a few times in my life. I would get so tired of sitting around going back in forth in a “situational” circle. But each time the conversation came up, the end result was something along the lines of: “You’re too good for me.” In the past, I used to always think it was just an excuse…just a nice way of them saying they didn’t want to be with me. But looking back, it’s true. I was too good for them. And so are you. You have to realize what you bring to the table and preserve that. The longer you stay in this situationship, you’re depleting yourself. You’re depleting yourself of the love, trust, and companionship you’ve been saving for the right person, and giving it all to someone who isn’t even brave enough to move from Point A to Point B. You are not a lay-a-way plan. You are not meant to be put on a shelf to wait until the man is ready. You are not meant to sit on the bench while other girls are starting in the game. You are the prize, you are first place, and you are the MVP…but YOU have to believe that. You have to believe that you deserve better. Your friends and family can preach to you all day, you can find every song that relates to what you’re going through, and I can write 10 more paragraphs telling you how great you are and how much better you could do. But if you don’t believe it…if you aren’t ready to make that step…then nothing that anyone will say will matter. But I promise you, as someone that’s been through this time and time again, that day will come. That day will come when everything will click. That day will come when you realize, YOU are the one in control of your heart. And when that day comes you’ll realize that you are too good for any situationship…and you always will be.