A friend sent me this picture and asked me what I thought about it. The first thing that came to my head was…”What’s so special about the number 8?”. Why not 7 or 9 or any other number? Is 8 some magical number that, when he’s reached it, he will have finally released his urge of infidelity and will suddenly give your relationship the respect it deserves? Call me crazy, but I think when God designed marriage, I am almost certain he meant it for two people and two people only. Remember that it was Adam and Eve…not Eve, Sarah, Jezebel, Mary, and Esther.
The second thing that came to mind was the word: compromise. See there’s a difference between compromising for the relationship and compromising THE relationship. In 2015, I know that unconventional relationships have become the norm and different things work for different couples. However in any relationship, when you give your partner the opportunity to sexually engage with other women, you are compromising two of some of the most important things a relationship is built on: trust and exclusivity. Your intimacy with your husband is built on the covenant that only you and him made to be true one another. That covenant is sacred and holds a spiritual reverence that only you and your partner can truly appreciate. So why would you give another woman the opportunity to tear down the trust you worked so hard to build? Why give another woman the opportunity to attest to the intimacy that only you should know? Why openly give another woman the opportunity to infiltrate your relationship and insert herself in a place where she doesn’t belong? Why give your partner the opportunity to think that adultery is okay? Why allow your partner to feel justified in their disrespectful actions? Why lay down and accept something that you know deep down you’re not okay with? Why comprise your relationship to let your man experience from others what he should ONLY be experiencing from you? What happens if it goes over 8….what happens if he falls in love with one of those “hall passes”? Then what? You have to ask yourself, Is it worth it? Is it my relationship taking a turn for the worse forever? Because that’s what will happen. Because in giving your “approval”, you’re approving the demise of your relationship and your witnessing the beginning of an unfaithful end take place before your eyes. And the only end that’s worse than a divorce, is the end that takes place in your mind, heart, and soul.
The third thing that came to my mind was: we have to raise the standards of our relationships. In my humble opinion, I feel that Toya allows these hall passes to pacify her own emotions. In her mind, she feels he’s already going to cheat. So it’s better for her to know and be in control of how he cheats, rather than confronting the issue of cheating itself. She’s already sending a message that this behavior is inevitable, and by giving him hall passes it rationalizes her acceptance of his infidelity. But the thought of cheating shouldn’t even be in question. The demand for respect and faithfulness in our relationships should be so high that the idea of cheating is not even up for discussion. If we spend as much time trying to eliminate the problem by focusing instead on building health and honest relationships, as we do trying to enable our partners’ shortcomings…we could heal the relationship wounds that society has encouraged rather than just putting a dirty bandaid on the scab that continues to infect the hearts and trust of so many people.
Maybe this works for Toya and her husband. But as for me, I don’t want a man who needs hall passes or any other form of permission to step out on our marriage. If the bond and love we have built coupled with our vows before God is not enough for you to do right by our relationship, then you’re clearly saying that I am not enough for you. And in saying that, you’re really saying that I am TOO good for you. Because a man that’s worthy of you, would never even dream of using a hall pass. Why? Because you’re all that he could ever want and all that he could ever need. In his mind no other woman could even compare because he knows that God made you for him, and that’s more than enough satisfaction for him. And I truly believe that there is a man like that out there for each and every woman.
So call me selfish, but I am not interested in sharing my future husband with anyone nor will I he providing that option. I am only interested in building a legacy of love, happiness , and riches that money can’t buy. And Last time I checked, hall passes weren’t a necessary component in making that happen.